My Heart will go on
by lizzieten
Summary: a routine hunt for a ghost goes wrong. limp Sam
1. Chapter 1

My Heart will go on

Chapter one

Sam Winchester sighed and scowled. He was currently sitting in yet another graveyard hunting yet another not so friendly ghost. The two elder Winchesters were digging the grave up of the guy they suspected was the incorporeal person that was giving others heart attacks, whilst a sixteen year old Sam stood guard.

"Look alive out there Sam" Dean called "we don't want a ghost getting a hold of us, won't be too good for the old ticker and besides we wouldn't want Princess Samantha being left alone."

"Shut up, Dean" Sam said while tightening his grip on the shotgun that was loaded with salt bullets. Since their fight earlier that afternoon, the two young Winchesters were barely on speaking terms. It would seem that Dean tired of hearing John and Sam fight, decided for once that their father was right. Sam was left feeling heartbroken and betrayed. Sam had tried to talk to Dean about why he wanted to leave but Dean had shot his attempts down and declared that Sam was being selfish and only cared about himself. Which Sam knew wasn't true, he loved his family more than life itself, but at some point he had to do something for himself or else he would never be happy.

_"What happened to the Sam who cares about what happens to other people?" Dean had asked, Sam had stared him in the eyes, his stomach turning and making him feel sick._

_ "I still care about people" Sam had replied "I just want to make a better life for myself, you know I don't like hunting."_

_ "Yeah, that's not selfish at all" Dean had snapped "there are people who depend on all three of us to protect them." Before he had turned and stormed out of the small rented apartment. Sam had just stood there in shock, he had always thought that he'd had Dean's support on going to college, guess Sam was wrong to have thought that. _

Sam swallowed hard against the bitter memories, now wasn't the time to get distracted. If either Dean or John got hurt, Sam was sure they would make him miserable for the next who knew how long.

Feeling Goosebumps rising on his arms, Sam knew a certain Mr. Mustang was about to make an appearance.

"Hurry up" Sam called to the men who were still shoveling dirt out of their way. He prayed they didn't hear the fear in his voice, Dean for sure wouldn't let him forget about it.

"You do your job we will do ours" John growled out, raising his arm to wipe at the sweat that decorated his forehead. A few seconds later the sound of the shotgun went off.

The ghost disappeared briefly from Sam's eyesight but a few seconds later it reappeared even angrier than before. Sam didn't have time to reload before he felt the ghost seemingly reach into his chest and wrap its ghostly hand around his heart and start to squeeze.

Sam opened his mouth to call out for help, but to his horror no sound escaped and. Mr. Mustang continued to squeeze until Sam's chest filled with agony just as Sam had passed out, the ghost released him, flung the limp body away from his grave . Meanwhile, Dean and John had just finished digging and John had reached down to rip open the coffin lid when they heard an eerie shriek.

"He sounds a tad angry" Dean commented as John pulled the lid open.

"Just a ghost nothing Sam can't handle" John said as Dean began bathing the corpse in lighter fluid and salt before lighting it up. As they scrambled out of the grave they noticed Sam was nowhere to be seen.

"Where has that boy gone off too?" John asked irritated, he hated it when one of his boys just disappeared without saying anything about where they were going. Dean scowled not feeling like looking his wayward little brother, he was still angry over their fight.

"I won't trust him to have my back again, if he's just going to up and disappear" Dean muttered.

John sighed it looked like Sam was in for yet another stern lecture. He wondered as he bent down and grabbed the shovel, when Sam would start to heed the lectures.

"Let's get busy the sooner we finish hear the sooner we can head back to the hotel" John said as he pushed some dirt into the open grave. Dean scowled but reached down and grabbed a shovel.

"Sam should be doing this" Dean muttered feeling even angrier at his absent little brother. John despite his irritation was starting to grow worried. It wasn't like Sam to just up and disappear before a hunt was finished. He had a bad feeling that something was seriously wrong. Sighing, John threw his shovel down; he wouldn't be able to concentrate while worrying about his boy.

Dean looked up at John noting the worried look in his father's eyes.

"What are you doing? You said to finish up so we could get back to the hotel"

"That was before Sam went MIA" John said. Dean sighed, he hadn't wanted to admit it but he also had a feeling in the pit of his stomach. He dropped his shovel and joined his father in the search.

It didn't take long to find the limp body that lay sprawled on another grave just a few rows behind where they had been digging.

"Sammy," both John and Dean called out at the same as they both sprinted to his side. Dropping to their knees beside the teen, John reached out and placed two fingers on his youngest child's neck.

Dean reached out and touched his brothers pale white cheek. He didn't like how cold it was nor did he like how blue Sam's lips were. The sight of his baby brother so still nearly brought tears to Dean's eyes making him feel even guiltier for the fight they'd had earlier.

"He has no pulse" John stated after a minute.

**TBC?**

**AN**

**Despite the title not going to be a death fic. So if you want more let me know and please forgive any grammar errors. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


	2. Chapter 2

My Heart Will Go On

Chapter two

"Come on Sammy, you don't want to do this" Dean pleaded as his own heart pounded in his chest, fear making it pump even faster. John interlocked his hands and pressed down on Sam's chest right over his heart. When John paused the chest compressions, Dean leaned over and tilted Sam's head back and breathed deeply into his little brother's mouth, hoping to get a reaction from the still teen.

"Still no pulse" John said as he once again started chest compressions.

"Sam, you can't go yet, I haven't even gotten to apologize yet" Dean cried as his heart felt like it was starting to break into tiny pieces, with each shard threatening to end his life. Tears began to fall down Dean's face with each breath Sam didn't take, he wished then with all his heart that he had chosen to not fight with his little brother. after all you never knew when the moments you had with your family would be the last one.

"I'm so damn sorry, Sam, come back to us and I will never argue with you again, you can't leave us" Dean cried as John continued to press down on Sam's chest. Suddenly a fairly loud crack sounded.

"Shit" John muttered "one of his ribs just broke." _Come on Sam, don't leave us now _John thought as he stopped compressions and Dean took over breathing. _I can't stand the thought that if your heart don't start again. I will have to burn my baby's body. I can't do that Sammy so please come back. _

Once Dean had finished breathing, John leaned over and checked for a pulse once more. He silently breathed a sigh of relief.

"He has a pulse its weak but it's there" John stated softly, feeling tears prick his eyes. His baby was alive. "You have to get him to the hospital, I don't want to take any chances with his health" he told Dean who had leaned back on his legs and was silently crying. Dean nodded as he raised his arms and wiped the tears away. Sam was alive and with some luck he would be just fine.

Standing to his feet, Dean reached down and tugged the unconscious boy into his arms. He still hated how pale Sam looked, but was relieved to feel the up and down motion of his chest.

"Be careful with his ribs, it may have only been one but I could have broken more" John stated as he grabbed a shovel. "I'll meet you at the hospital when I finish here" Dean nodded and headed towards the parked impala.

Placing Sam in the back seat, Dean brushed his fingers through Sam's hair affectionately.

"Stay with me Sammy, I'm gonna get you some help and you'll be just fine." He couldn't put into words just how much he truly loved the kid lying unconscious in the backseat. Dean wasn't sure of the future but he was one hundred percent sure if it came down to it he would die so that Sam could live. And god help anyone who tried to harm Sam.

After making sure Sam wasn't go to go anywhere, Dean clambered into the driver's seat. Speeding towards the hospital, Dean hoped he didn't get pulled over. They would have to toss him in jail because with the condition Sam was in, there was no way Dean was going to pull over.

It took Dean twenty minutes to find the hospital, and once in the ER drive. Dean barely had the car in park before he hopped out and pulled Sam out and kicked the door shut; for once not caring if he caused any damage to his precious baby. Sam meant much more to him than some chipped paint on a classic muscle car. Heading into the ER, Dean hollered at the first nurse he saw.

Seeing the tall handsome man come in carrying a boy who roughly looked to be about fifteen or sixteen years old. Doctor Jackie grabbed a gurney and rushed to see what was wrong with the young man.

"What's his name and what's wrong with him?" she asked as Dean placed Sam on the gurney.

"Sam Bundy" Dean replied "his heart stopped and I'm pretty sure he has a couple broken ribs" Dean said feeling like crying again at the sight of his still brother.

Jackie frowned and placed her fingers on Sam's neck feeling for his pulse. She didn't like how weak it was.

"Has he had any kind of heart problems before?" she asked after all healthy kids hearts didn't just stop for no reason.

"No" Dean answered "up until now he has been perfectly healthy." Jackie called some other nurses over and they pushed him back behind closed doors.

"Does your brother take any kind of drugs?" she asked, she didn't like what she was seeing in her young patient. Dean shook his head no.

"He's a good kid he would never do anything that would purposely affect his health in such a way. And how did you know he was my little brother?"

"You just look like a loving older brother" Jackie replied "I'll let you know what's going on as soon I as I know what's going on." She said following the gurney. By her tone it was clear she didn't believe Dean when he'd said the kid wasn't on any kind of drug.

"Typical doctor never believing the truth when it's right in front of them" Dean muttered as he grabbed the paperwork that had been thrust at him and went and sat down._ Sam better pull through this_ Dean thought _I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't. _ And another thing the thought that Sam would even take any kind of drugs aside from painkillers when he was injured was downright laughable. It just goes to show that doctor truly knew nothing about the kind of person his little brother was, had she known she wouldn't have even thought about asking about drugs.

Another thirty minutes past when John showed up, he easily saw his son sitting in a chair looking dejected. He quickly made his way over.

"Have you heard anything yet?" he asked, Dean just shook his head no. From the expression on Dean's face, John could tell he was thinking about the fight the boys had had earlier. As John sat down in the hard plastic chair beside Dean, he placed his hand on his shoulder.

"What if Sam doesn't make it?" Dean asked quietly and when he raising his head to look at his father; John could see fear clearly written in his eldest's eyes.

"Sammy, will pull through, he always does" John said softly "This time it might take a little longer but our Sammy is a fighter; in the end he will be alright"

"They think he's on drugs" Dean said remembering the way the doctor had looked at him. Almost as if she could see clear through him.

"Shit" John muttered "that's not good, that means we have to get out of here as soon as it's possible to move him." He hoped there was nothing seriously wrong with Sam.

A few minutes later the dark haired doctor, Dean had talked to exited the ER doors. From the look on her face they could tell she wasn't very happy.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call CPS." She stated as soon as she stood in front of them.

"How about you tell me about my son" John demanded automatically not liking the doctor's tone. "Dean told me you suspected drug abuse, before you call CPS have you bothered testing for any kind of drug"

"Why else would an otherwise healthy kid have a heart attack" she growled right back, not seeing Dean's face turn several shades lighter. John scowled at Jackie.

"I suggest you run whatever kind of drug tests you have, you will find that Sam is a not a druggie" John was starting to get pissed off. you didn't just threaten to have his son taken away. He should have figured though considering what the ghost had done to its previous victims that Sam suffered from a heart attack. "Until you have evidence of Sam being on drugs, don't make idle threats." That being said the doctor turned and walked away. John turned back to Dean in time to see Dean's white face, as he slumped forward.

**AN**

**More about Sam's condition next chapter, which should be up either later this week or early next week. Until then thanks for reading and reviewing! Liz**


	3. Chapter 3

My Heart Will Go On

Chapter three

"16 year old male having chest pains, collapsed at home, brought in by elder brother" Jackie informed the team that was currently trying to find out what was wrong with the teen lying before them on the bed.

"I want an EKG done pronto" Jackie said, she had two hands on the teen's neck and she could tell his heart wasn't beating correctly. "I want to find out what's wrong with this kid's heart."

"It's rare but it is possible the kid had a heart attack" one of the nurses commented "kids do drugs all the time."

"This kid looks fairly healthy" Jackie said "but you are correct he could have taken something, in that case draw some blood, and test it for every drug known to man," Jackie said. She had the feeling there was something the older brother wasn't telling her, wouldn't be the first time a sibling lied about their family members were on something. She scowled she would be having a serious talk with someone as soon as she knew what was going on.

Before the EKG technician came to take the boy away, Jackie searched the teen's body for signs of drug abuse. She didn't find any but she did discover two broken ribs. As she wrapped them she ordered an ultrasound to see if there was any internal bleeding. Jackie hadn't seen any signs but you could never be sure.

Once the teen was taken away to the test ran, Jackie headed out to talk to the family. It didn't take long to spot the dejected elder brother in the waiting room. This time however, he was joined by an older man she assumed was the father. She walked over the first words out of her mouth was.

"Give me one good reason to not call CPS" that had their attention.

"How about you tell me about my son" The man demanded, something told her he wasn't someone she wanted to mess with. "Dean told me you suspected drug abuse, have you ran any kind of test"

"Why else would a healthy kid have a heart attack" Jackie asked noticing how the older brother's face got even whiter.

"I suggest you run some tests you'll see Sammy is not a druggie until you have concluded that he has not taken anything. Don't threaten me" The man said glaring at her. Jackie, sensing this was not a discussion she wanted to get into turned and walked away. Looks like that family would be in for a long wait. They wouldn't know anything until she did.

Twenty minutes later she was paged down into the EKG room. She headed into the room to find her friend Misha staring at the test results.

"Well, looks like our friend here did indeed have a heart attack" he said holding the film to the light. "it's damaged his heart rather badly I'm afraid."

"What caused it?" Jackie wondered outloud.

"Drugs?" Misha suggested, she frowned.

"Waiting on the test results on that" she replied.

"Have you talked to the family?"

"Tried too, the father and the brother both insist that Sam isn't on anything." Jackie replied. She hated the fact that she didn't know what had caused the 16 year old to have such a severe heart attack.

"Don't tell me you got intimidated by another family?" Misha asked laughing. In his opinion Jackie was far too kind hearted to deal with some of the people who walked through the ER doors.

"If you had seen the father you would have too" Jackie grumbled "he resembles an angry grizzly bear." Misha chuckled "I think you better tell them there is a very good chance this kid is going to need a transplant or he won't live too much longer. He certainly won't survive another heart attack like that one."

"I better find out the results of the blood work first" Jackie said sighing "it's safe to say he's going to be here a while" that being said she walked out and headed towards the lab where all the blood work was currently being done.

"Blood work for Sam Bundy?" she asked the technician.

"It's not ready yet sorry" he replied.

"Hurry up, that holds the answers to a patients current condition" she muttered. She decided then would be a good time to tell them about Sam's condition, whether she knew exactly what caused the heart attack or not.

When she got back out to the waiting room she found the father obviously trying to comfort the elder brother. it was a sight that nearly brought tears to her eyes, it became clear to her then there was no way they had been lying about the teen being on anything. They clearly adored the boy they were waiting to hear news on.

"Sam Bundy family" she called as she approached the two men. She could tell immediately the brother had been crying, in tears were still coming down his face, as he looked up at her.

"Find out if Sammy was on drugs" John asked her sounding a bit bitter.

"No, I still haven't got the blood work yet but I do have the results of the EKG" Jackie said hating that she would have to break this kind of news to the family.

"And what's wrong with him?" Dean asked quietly.

"Your brother has had a pretty severe heart attack" Jackie said "and it has badly damaged his heart, enough to the point that Sam needs a transplant or he's not going to live to see 25" Jackie said.

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had known it was going to be bad; he just didn't expect it to be this bad. Hunting didn't exactly allow a person the time to wait for a new heart, but it was clear for now that they would have to stop hunting. _Mary what do I do Sammy, needs this to survive but I want avenge your death too _John thought.

Dean gasped at the news, his Sammy had suffered a heart attack just like the other victims the ghost had gotten a hold of. The only difference however, Sam was still alive. He felt even guiltier knowing Sammy had been in pain before they had stopped doing what they were doing to find him.

"I'm a crappy brother" Dean muttered closing his eyes as tears poured down his face again. His world as he knew it was ending. Sam had never faced such odds before, how would he be able to survive. One thing was for sure if Sam didn't make it neither would he.

AN

Not the best chapter as I am sure you guys can tell, and I am most certainly not a nurse or a doctor most medical info. Came from google but anyways I hope you enjoy. Thanks again for taking the time to read and review and MysteryMadchen hope this was a quick enough update for you.


	4. Chapter 4

My Heart will go on

After having waiting what had seemed like a millennium, Dean and John were finally able to see Sam. Dean hated what he saw the moment he walked through the door. Sam was lying unconscious hooked up to all kinds of tubes and an oxygen mask was covering his mouth and nose. A nurse was quietly checking Sam's stats, as Dean made his way to his brother's bedside.

"Sammy" he whispered "this is my fault, maybe if we hadn't got into it this wouldn't have happened."

"Dean, you had no idea this would happen" John spoke as he took a seat beside Sam in one of the hard plastic chairs that was provided.

"I should have" Dean muttered "after all, they always go after Sam, or have you not noticed?"

"Of course I noticed" John said "but he always comes through."

"This is different" Dean insisted "this time Sam suffered a heart attack and we were too busy to notice."

"Be that as it may" John said "there's nothing we can do about it except help Sam get through this" Dean scowled and reached out and took Sam's in his. Despite all the blankets the kid had been wrapped in Sam was still cold. He rubbed the back of his hand gently with his hand.

"You don't know how much I regret this whole hunt" Dean said. The words the doctor had told them about Sam's prognosis still ringing in his head. There was a good chance his baby brother would need a heart transplant, but Jackie had also said it could be avoided if Sam lived a stress free life. That in itself was a joke. After all there was plenty to stress about when it came to hunting. Dean knew once Sam was recovered John would want to hit the road again, despite knowing that it could potentially kill his youngest son. Dean just hoped Sam wouldn't have to leave the hospital immediately, that he would be given time to recover.

As if sensing the direction Dean's thoughts had taken; John spoke up.

"We're not going anywhere anytime soon, unless it's a hunt I can do by myself and its nearby"

"How long do you think that will last?" Dean asked "Sam needs to permanently retire from hunting, not just take a little break"

"I heard what the doctor said quite clearly Dean" John said, feeling a bit amused. It was just like Dean to be extremely protective of his brother, while at the same going out of his mind with worry. At the same time he didn't expect anything less from his oldest.

John looked at Sam and hated with a burning passion what he saw. Sam had yet to regain any color after his revival. In fact it was possible he'd a ghost look tan, with how pale he was. John wondered briefly if it had anything to do with how long Sam had been without oxygen. It had taken them several minutes to find him after they had burned the bones. He had felt like his world had fallen apart when he had seen Sam lying so still on that grave site. He never wanted to see either of his boys like that. Yet he forced them on a daily basis to do a thankless job that put their lives on the line. When did saving other people become more important than his own boys. Just seeing Sam lying helplessly on the bed, in need of a new heart was about to turn him around. His boys and their needs would come first from now on. He had never been a good father and everything up to this point had proved just that. Sam's injury was proving to be a wakeup call, one he wasn't going to miss.

_"You're son's heart was badly damaged by the heart attack" Jackie had said "it's very probable that Sam is going to need a transplant, that's how bad it is, however, you can make it later rather than sooner, if you can keep Sam from dealing with a whole lot of stress, stress will just wear the his heart out that much faster." John nodded while a pale faced Dean had stared at the ground. He found it hard to believe his brother would need a new heart. He closed his eyes and tears drifted down. This just didn't seem possible, with the life they led; it would be hard to keep Sam from living in stress. What would they do if Sam needed the heart while they were on the road? There would be no way, they would have to stay near a hospital just to know if Sam had gotten a heart or not. That would mean settling in for a long stay and there was no chance in hell of John doing that, even if it meant risking Sam's life. John had his vengeance to attend to after all. _

_ "When can see him?" Dean asked speaking for the first time in more than an hour. _

_ "Just a few minutes" Jackie replied "He's being settled into PICU at this moment." Dean nodded and turned away. The doctor had sat with them for a few more minutes before getting up to go attend to someone else who had been brought in. _

"Earth to do dad" a snarky voice snapped John out of his thoughts. Dean hadn't known John had been paying attention to what he had been up to while they were in the waiting room. It had been apparent the elder teen was worrying himself to death so John had decided to keep an eyeball on him and talk to the doc about Sam.

"I'm still here" John said gruffly, embarrassed to have actually been caught lost in thought over something other than hunting.

"I know where Sam gets his absentmindedness from" Dean commented before turning back to Sam, as said teen moaned low and soft.

"Sammy?" Dean asked hopefully, the doctors had said it would probably be a while before Sam regained consciousness due to the strain the attack had put on his body.

"D'en, 'ad" a weak voice mumbled.

"We're here Sammy" John said softly as Sam tried to open his eyes but only managed tiny slits.

"w'at 'appened?" he weakly asked.

"Casper the unfriendly ghost gave you quiet the fright" Dean said, happy to see his brother conscious again.

"Is th't why my chest hurts so bad?" Sam asked weakly.

"Unfortunately the spook gave you a heart attack" John said softly "and a pretty bad one at that."

"you're 'kay ?" Sam asked, grimacing as another shot of pain ran through his chest.

"We're fine Sammy" Dean said softly "For once just worry about yourself." Sam nodded weakly and drifted off to sleep again.

Dean sighed and grabbed the chair and pulled it up to the bed before sitting down and making himself comfortable. You wouldn't be able to pull Dean away from Sam now if you tried. He was bound and determined he would protect Sam while Sam couldn't protect himself.

AN

Sorry people's I would have this chapter posted earlier except I had two or three tornados come through my hometown. My house was one of the lucky ones escaping damage I had some friends who weren't so lucky so I have been helping them clean up what's left of their house.


	5. Chapter 5

My Heart will go on

Chapter five

Sam drifted off to sleep with the promise that Dean and John would still be there when he woke up again. Dean watched silently for a few moments. He hated thinking about how close he had come to losing him.

"What are we going to do?" Dean asked "we can't live off of credit card scams especially if Sam is going to need surgery."

"I'm going to find a job and a place for us to stay for the next few months" John said, climbing to his feet. Dean looked at John mildly surprised. He knew perfectly well how John felt about hunting.

"Don't look so surprised; hunting can wait until Sam's well enough to hunt again." John said "I do care about you boys you know." Reaching out John ran his hand through Sam's hair affectionately. "Stay with Sam, I will return as soon as I can" he said turning and walking out of the room without looking back.

Dean scowled as he watched his father leave. John was hiding something and he didn't like it one bit. If he found out his father had lied; Dean would give him hell. Sam deserved to get away from hunting. Nothing would make Sam's health go from bad to worse if Dean could help it.

"Looks like its going to be you and me kiddo" Dean said affectionately as he watched Sam sleep. Seeing how pale and still his little brother was, Dean could almost imagine him in a more permanent state and the thought made him sick. Life would not be worth living without his little brother.

"Sammy, I'm so sorry" Dean said softly meaning it from the very depths of his soul. "You're being like this is my fault; I should have known not to start a fight with you right before a hunt. Nothing good ever comes of it." Dean squeezed his little brother's hand gently, almost fearing he would hurt him even more; if he was too rough with him. "Just whatever you do, Sammy, stay with me, don't check out."

Several hours late when John still hadn't returned to the hospital; Dean decided to find out if his suspicions were correct. Standing to his feet and stretching his sore back muscles. He looked over at his still sleeping brother. Dean could almost smile at the peaceful, relaxed look on Sam's face. It was a look Dean hadn't seen in a long time.

"Hang in there Sammy, I'll be back in a few so don't go taking any dirt naps on my watch." Dean hated leaving Sam alone but he had to know where John was. Sighing, Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, just as he turned and walked out of the room.

Once out in the hallway, Dean flipped his phone open and dialed John's number. The phone instantly went to voicemail.

"Son of a…" Dean growled slamming his phone shut. If John was indeed job hunting and not looking for a supernatural monster; there would be no reason to shut his phone off. Anger like a bitter poison ran through Dean's veins. Sam needed his father right now and where the hell was he? Off hunting of course, his family doesn't mean much at all. Dean should have known this would happen, John had never liked being around Sam when he was sick, so it had always fallen to Dean to take care of him. clenching his hands into fists' Dean glared at the wall. He would be having some words with John if the scoundrel ever managed to show his face again. For now Dean had a seriously ill little brother to look after.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Dean opened his brother's door and stepped back into the room. The first thing Dean noticed was the bleary eyed look of Sam waking up.

"Hey kiddo, nice to see you awake for a change, talking to myself gets boring you know." Dean chuckled as he walked back over to claim the chair beside the bed.

"Dean" he murmured weakly "I figured you would be hitting on the nurses or something."

"And leave my baby brother defenseless?" Dean asked "don't count on it."

"It's not any different from any other time I've been in the hospital" Sam muttered. Sighing, he didn't feel any better than he did when the ghost had gotten a hold of him, his chest still hurt.

"Still hurting?" Dean asked quietly, he had seen the flash of pain cross Sam's face, and it made him feel even guiltier.

"What did that ghost do to me?" Sam asked ignoring Dean's question, because he knew it would only hurt his brother and make him feel even worse.

"Gave you a heart attack" Dean replied, watching his brother's face carefully for any clues as to what the younger Winchester was thinking.

"So how did I survive none of that creepy guy's other victims did?" Sam asked wearily feeling as if the world was lying on his shoulders.

"We managed to get you to the hospital before you were out too long." Dean replied not liking the way Sam was looking, drawn as if he was wore out and was still way too pale in Dean's opinion.

"This is going to make Dad happy" Sam said frowning and for the first time since waking up; wondered where their father was. As if reading his thoughts, Dean answered.

"He's supposed to be finding a place to live so you can rest and get better." Sam snorted.

"That's a first I'm surprised he's not making me recover in the car on the way to another hunt."

"With the shape you're in the only thing you would succeed in doing is killing yourself" Dean said. Then he proceeded to explain just how dire Sam's circumstances really were. Sam himself wasn't even all that surprised; in fact he seemed to welcome it.

"Maybe it would just be better if you let this issue take care of me" Sam muttered, turning away from the utterly shocked look on Dean's face.

"You're saying to just let you die?" Dean asked quietly, hoping he had read into Sam's statement wrong.

"That would be the easiest thing to do since nobody wants me around." Sam said quietly voicing his depressed thoughts. Dean wanted to scream. He wished he could make his brother believe that Dean wanted him around and to hell with what John wanted.

"I want you around" Dean said through clenched teeth "I have never said I didn't want you around."

Sam hissed quietly feeling a sharp pain start to grow in his chest. He reached his hand up weakly and clutched at his heart. The pain was so sharp he couldn't even cry out for help.

**Please don't shoot me for leaving it there… and sorry it took so long to update. I was having a bit of writers block and on top of that was recently diagnosed with diabetes, and have been having a hell of a time dealing with that. One other thing I am thinking about writing a story where both Dean and Sam in the military (obviously with a lot of limp Winchester boys) let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and reviewing and thanks for being patient. Liz **


	6. Chapter 6

My Heart Will Go On

Chapter six

Dean stared at his gasping brother, only for a moment before jumping up to page the nurse. _Please don't let it be heart failure already_ Dean thought _it's far too soon, I can't lose him now. _

Upon hearing the alert tone go off, Jackie rushed into the youngest Winchester's room. Seeing the elder brother was on the verge of panicking, she went over and quickly assessed the situation.

"You can calm down now" she told Dean irately, "it's not heart failure, just a severe panic attack." She inserted a needle into Sam's IV line, and the teen calmed down and drifted off to sleep.

"You can't upset him like that again or it will cause his heart problems" Jackie said "and I don't think I need to tell you what will happen then."

"Of course you don't" Dean said still feeling guilty for what had just happened.

"Make sure it doesn't happen again, or I shall restrict you from coming in here to see him." She said as she turned and walked out the door. Dean stood there gaping at the empty doorway. She wouldn't do that to him, it's not like he caused it on purpose anyways and now that he knew, and he would try like hell not to let it happen again.

Sighing deeply, Dean sat down in his chair again, he was still wondering where their father was and why he hadn't yet returned to the hospital but Dean figured he would show up sooner or later, and when he did, Dean would give him hell but right now his focus was going to be on his very sick little brother. He wouldn't let death take Sam from him.

After an hour of sitting and watching Sam sleep, Dean decided it was time to let Bobby and Pastor Jim know about Sam's condition. He probably should have called sooner but with everything that had been going on, it had slipped his mind.

"I'll be back Sammy, don't worry I won't ever abandon you, no matter what happens." That being said Dean left the room once more and walked down the hall to the waiting room. Walking over to the window, Dean ignored the sight of the gorgeous park that was right outside the hospital walls. Reaching into his pocket he grabbed his phone and dialed Bobby's number first.

"Singer" a gruff voice answered after two rings.

"Bobby, it's Dean" Dean said.

"Hey, Dean how are you and the runt doing?" Bobby asked.

"The runt is in the hospital and it looks pretty bad right now" Dean said quietly and then proceeded to tell him everything the doctors had told him and John.

"Tough break" Bobby commented "where are you, I'll come up and join you, so you guys won't be alone."

Dean told him and they spoke for a few more minutes before Dean said he had better give Pastor Jim a call.

Upon dialing Jim's number, Dean got the voicemail and let a message stating Sam was in the hospital and in pretty bad shape, if at all possible to call Dean back.

Phone calls finished Dean headed back to Sam's room; only to discover that Sam was still asleep. Sighing Dean went back downstairs and bought a few car magazines to look at. On the way back up, he got distracted by a young blonde woman making doe eyes at him. So he went over and talked and flirted with her for what seemed like ages. When he once more started towards the elevator he had the hot little blonde girl's cell phone number in the pocket of his jeans.

When he returned to Sam's room he went straight to his chair by the sleeping boy's bed.

"Sorry it took so long, Sammy but I got a bit distracted by someone" Dean went on cheerfully to describe her to his sleeping brother.

"Keep on talking like that and you'll bore you're brother to death" a rough voice said making Dean jump. Whirling around Dean came face to face with a bearded man.

"Hey, Bobby" Dean said relaxing.

"Hey, kiddo" Bobby replied reaching out and hugging the man that felt like a son to him.

"he sure does look pretty rough" Bobby said when the hug ended, and Bobby had a few moments to assess the younger Winchester's condition.

"That he does" Dean agreed, "I hope he gets through this mess."

"Don't lose faith in your brother; you know he'll come out fighting if you believe in him. Never was able to put him in a corner without Sam coming out fighting." Bobby said smiling as memories of when Sam was younger came to mind.

"Losing faith in him is something I will never do" Dean said "but Sam is only human, and this is quite a bit bigger than he is."

"Sure it is" Bobby agreed "But I believe Sam will come out alright, might take a while, because you don't come through the fire without getting some burns first."

Dean smirked; Bobby always had a strange way of putting things. Bobby rolled his eyes as if he knew what Dean was thinking. The kid would never grow up.

"Where's that father of yours?" Bobby asked noticing for the first time, the missing father.

"Don't know, said he was going house hunting, not sure if that's what he was actually doing though."

"Your father may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he loves you boys he wouldn't abandon Sam to a hunt, when Sam needs him." Dean shrugged he wasn't sure what to believe. He could only hope John hadn't been lying but there was the possibility he could have been.

"If you say so" Dean said turning and going back to his chair beside Sam's bed.

"You trust John on the hunt but you don't trust him off the hunt much do you?" Bobby wondered out loud.

"Not much" Dean said "too much has happened in the past." With that Dean drifted off into some unknown memory and left Bobby with an unconscious teen and a lost in thought elder brother.

**sorry it took so long to update, I've been playing around with some other plots and trying to get them written down. Thanks for being patient and as always for taking the time to read and review.**


	7. Chapter 7

My heart will go on

Chapter seven

Sam was able to leave the hospital a few days later, with strict instructions on how he was supposed to be on a strict diet, and he should keep all exercise down to a minimum. The diet Sam felt he wouldn't have any problem with, for a teen, he ate pretty healthily already; the exercise would be what bothered Sam the most. He was an active kid, didn't like not being able keep himself in shape, like he had before.

"Not like exercise is going to kill me?" Sam muttered as Dean rolled him towards Bobby's car.

"If you do too much it will" Dean said sympathizing with his brother. He knew how much Sam enjoyed staying in shape, not as much as he did obviously but still the kid enjoyed it. "Cause too much stress on your heart, which is not what we need" Dean added, and Sam grumbled under his breath. Dean was overprotective by nature, and Sam had the feeling Dean would be a whole lot worse while he was dealing with this health situation. While it would probably drive Sam nuts, he wouldn't have Dean any other way.

"Why am I the only one who finds himself in this situation?" Sam wondered and briefly cursed Winchester luck. "I always seem to be the one with the worst injury or whatever; fate seems to enjoy torturing me."

"Can't argue with that one" Dean commented, "but you know how Winchester luck goes."

"Why not just call it Sam Winchester's bad luck; it seems to hit me more than anyone."

"True enough, but maybe one day you'll grow out of it." Dean said helping Sam into the backseat.

"And how to you propose I do that?" Sam sarcastically "I've never heard of growing out of bad luck before."

"Smart ass" Dean grumbled as he climbed into the front passenger seat and waited for Bobby. He still wasn't exactly sure where they would be staying but Bobby had insisted they stay with him, despite the fact they were hundreds of miles away from Bobby's home. Bobby had told him, he knew someone who would let him use their vacation home, while Sam needed to remain near a hospital.

"Never mind, who knows how long that will be" Dean said, he hadn't wanted to accept that offer, but really what choice did they have? Sam needed a stable place to live? And a dirty motel wasn't going to cut it. Dean would make sure Sam wouldn't have to have the transplant one way or the other. Dean teased Sam about having bad luck, but he often found himself thinking about it and wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. Sam was doing alright for now, but something would come along eventually and change that.

"Don't be borrowing trouble" a gruff voice said as the driver's door opened and Bobby slid into the driver's seat. One glance at Dean and Bobby knew what he was thinking. "Sam's going to be fine, don't think he won't. Sam always muddles through, no reason he won't now."

Dean sighed and ran his hand roughly through his hair; he was starting to feel stressed. Sam's condition was still pretty rough, and he had no idea where their father was or even if he was alright. The fact John hadn't made contact in nearly thirty six hours, worried him.

"I'm sure John's fine too wherever the scoundrel went off too." Bobby commented as he pulled out onto the highway for the ten minute drive to his friend's house.

"Are you physic?" Dean asked amused "how are you reading my mind."

"idjit," Bobby muttered "I'm not reading your mind, I'm reading your face." Dean chuckled and looked behind him. Sam was already asleep.

"He truly will be fine Dean, stop worrying so much." Bobby said.

"I can't help it" Dean admitted "he's my responsibility so of course I'm going to worry, besides I'm his big brother, worrying is in my job description."

"Can't anyone accuse you of being a bad brother" Bobby said. He knew it to be true, Dean wouldn't let any harm come to his brother if he could help it, in fact, Bobby was sure he drove Sam nuts. But that's what made them so close, they would do anything for each other.

They drove in silence the rest of the way, Bobby contemplating on where John was currently at, and Dean thinking about ways of killing his father for walking out. He loved the man but there were a time when hunting wasn't appropriate, now was one of those times. Sam needed the both of them now more than ever, and John was currently missing in action. Dean wondered what Sam thought about it. Knowing his little brother as well as he did, Dean figured he was probably feeling a little rejected. Dean didn't want Sam feeling like that and he would do anything in his power to make it up to Sam. But John still needed to be there, to reassure Sam that he was still loved and appreciated.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the house they would be staying for the next few months. Glancing at it, Dean thought it was Sam's dream home, one story, with a white picket fence. _Sam better not have any kids that I don't know about _Dean thought. Getting their stuff and taking it into the house.

Upon returning to the car, Dean tried to wake Sam up, but the kid was in too deep a sleep and Dean was forced to carry him inside.

"Look at that" Bobby commented holding the door open so Dean could get Sam through. "What a lovely big brother you are."

"Bite me." Dean muttered.

**Couldn't resist ending it like that, anyone care to guess where John really is? well have some good news I finally got internet where I live way out in the country so my updates will probably start to be a little more regular. Or at least I'm going to try anyways thanks for reading and reviewing. and I promise its going to get more entertaining here shortly Liz**


	8. Chapter 8

My Heart Will Go On

Chapter 8

Once Dean had Sam in the house, he went to the first bedroom he came to, and placed Sam on the bed. Sighing, Dean debated whether to stay or go out and get their clothes. Figuring it wasn't likely that Sam was to die in the time it would take him to go outside. He decided Sam at some point would want some clean clothes to wear.

"Be back in a few bro" Dean said reaching down and ruffling sleeping little brother's hair. Turning to walk out the door, Dean ran into Bobby who was carrying in their clothes.

"Figured you wouldn't want to leave Sam right now" Bobby commented as he dropped their bags onto the hardwood floor.

"Thanks Bobby and you're right" Dean said turning his eyes back to his little brother who was for once sleeping peacefully.

"He won't go into heart failure if you leave his side to do something for yourself you know" Bobby said.

"I know but you know how our luck is" Dean replied "I just want to be here if something happens, he shouldn't have to deal with this alone." Bobby could clearly read the guilt in the younger man's eyes, and knew he was still blaming himself for the Casper hunt going south.

"You know even the best of plans go sideways from time to time, nothing can predict when things go wrong." Bobby said, "if it wasn't that hunt that went wrong it would have been another one, and who knows it could have been you in Sam's shoes right now."

"I would rather it be me anyways" Dean said "after the things I said to him, it should be me."

"Brother's argue all the time; it's not the end of the world, just because you and Sammy argued." Bobby said.

"No, but it's practically the end of Sammy." Dean commented "what if he had died in that cemetery? I never would have forgiven myself."

"As I see it your still not forgiving yourself" Bobby said "it's time to let the past be the past" Dean chuckled there was no arguing with Bobby. Especially when the old man knew he was right.

"Let Sam rest if he needs something he'll come find you." Bobby said exiting the room, and heading towards the kitchen. Dean paused and looked back at Sam. The kid looked like he was running a fever, he had to keep an eye on that, but for now he looked like he was resting well, and Dean wasn't about to disturb that.

Sighing, Dean turned and walked out of the room, he followed Bobby into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Bobby slid a beer over to him.

"Drink to there always being a problem that's hard to solve" Bobby said.

"I can do that" Dean said but his mind was on what needed to be done to keep his Sammy from needing that surgery. His diet wouldn't necessarily have to change, since the kid was already a health nut. But he would have to watch how active Sam was, which you would think would make the kid happier, cause he could spend more time working on homework, the geek. Dean wondered what would happen if despite everything Sam done, he required surgery, would Sam be able to pull through surgery, or like many others would he succumb to death while on the table. Dean knew he shouldn't be worrying after all, if Sam followed the doctor's orders to a tee, he should be alright.

"Earth to Dean" Bobby called he knew exactly what was on the younger man's mind; anyone would be able to tell he was yet again worrying about Sam.

"You know boy, you're going to end up with more grey hairs than I already have if you don't quit worrying."

"What did I say about worrying being a part of my job description" Dean countered grinning. "Dad doesn't worry enough so I do it enough for the both of us." Bobby shook his head, he could keep telling Dean not to worry, but it wouldn't change anything. The two men remained in the kitchen talking for a while.

Dean returned to Sam's room to find his brother sitting up and reading a book.

"Feeling better I see" Dean said flopping down beside Sam on the bed.

"A little" Sam shrugged "I'm still tired and don't feel like doing much."

"Which is good cause you're not supposed to be doing much" Dean commented, Sam just shrugged again and went back to reading his book.

"You're not any fun Sammy" Dean said and Sam rolled his eyes.

"What exactly can I do? Doctor's orders are I can't really do anything unless you want me to drop dead on the spot."

"I'd don't think you would drop dead" Dean said "Changes to your heart would be more subtle than that, I'm sure it wouldn't come on fast."

Sam feeling his chest starting to ache raised his hand and was absently rubbing at his chest. He didn't want to tell Dean, because he knew how his brother would react, he would be worried. He wasn't exactly sure if there was anything to be worried about yet.

Unbeknownst to Sam, Dean was watching every little movement he made out of the corner of his eye. So he didn't miss Sam rubbing his chest.

"Something bothering you?" Dean asked, and Sam looked up at him.

"No," he lied, Dean deserved a break from worrying so much. "but I am a little hungry."

"I'll fix you a salad if this place is stocked already" Dean said "Don't go anywhere." Sam rolled his eyes as his older brother left. While Dean was getting his food ready, Sam figured it would be a good time to get a shower. Rolling out of bed, he climbed to his feet slowly. While his chest ached some it didn't seem like it would be the start of heart failure. He plodded down the hall and into the restroom. As he was reaching over to turn the shower on, he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his chest. He groaned softly, and clutched at his chest, surely his heart couldn't be giving him problems already. Falling to his knees, from the agonizing pain, Sam tried to call out for his brother, but his breath only came out in a wheeze, and he collapsed upon the restroom floor unconscious.

**Sorry it took so long to update, been working on other stories and been busy with RL. Trying to get back into college is proving to be a pain in the rear, but in the end will be worth it. thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


	9. Chapter 9

My heart will go on

Chapter 9

Dean was in the kitchen pulling lettuce out of the fridge when he had the feeling he needed to check on Sam. He couldn't explain it but he had the feeling Sam had been lying to him earlier when he had asked if anything was bothering him. The feeling he had was only getting stronger the longer he ignored it. Sighing he stopped chopping lettuce, and headed towards the bedroom. He prayed Sam was still sitting in bed reading. To his surprise Sam wasn't even in the bed. Dean started to panic, where his little brother could have traveled too. So help him if Sam was fine he was going to murder him. Leaving the room, Dean trailed down the hallway hoping his brother was in the restroom. Coming to the restroom, Dean found the door shut and locked. Knocking lightly Dean tried to hear if there was any movement was coming from inside. He heard nothing, and his worry spiked even higher and he took his fist and pounded on the door.

"Sam! Answer me" Dean demanded sharply. Hearing the noise from the hallway, Bobby exited his own room and joined Dean at the door.

"What's going on?" Bobby asked curious about what was causing the latest panic attack.

"I have the feeling something is going on with Sam, if he doesn't answer in another six seconds I'm going to burst through this door!" Dean shouted hoping his little brother would hear him. true to his word six seconds passed and Dean was quickly picking the lock. Once the door was open, he was shocked at the sight before him. His little brother lay unconscious and gasping for breath on the floor. He rushed into the restroom, dropping to his knees beside Sam.

"Call 911" he shouted to Bobby who quickly moved to do as ordered.

"Come on Sammy, now is not the time to do this" Dean said as he turned Sam over onto his back, and placed his fingers on Sam's neck, feeling for a pulse, it was racing and that scared Dean. A racing pulse meant his heart was working overtime, and that couldn't be doing any good for his brother's already badly damaged heart.

"Just hang on kiddo" Dean said reaching out and grabbing a towel and wiping Sam's sweat drenched forehead.

"They're on the way" Bobby said coming back to the restroom door.

"I hope his heart can hold out until they get here" Dean said feeling guilty that he hadn't known something was going on with Sam. "His pulse is far too fast, his heart is overworking itself."

"We're not far from the hospital; Sam will be alright until they get here." Bobby said softly knowing the terror that was coursing its way through Dean's blood as they spoke.

Dean rested his free hand on Sam's chest, he could easily feel Sam's beating heart, and as hard as it was working, it scared Dean. He was afraid Sam would have another heart attack before help arrived. This whole situation was scary, and it certainly hadn't taken long for the other shoe to drop. _Please, Sam, don't leave me, just keep fighting _Dean thought. _Don't die on me now, you're not supposed to die just yet you're far too young. _Dean felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

"I know it's scary right now, but think positive" Bobby said hearing sirens drawing closer. "I told you it wouldn't take long for them to get here." He left to answer the door and to show the medics were they were.

Bobby showed the medics were, and they immediately took charge of the situation, having to work around Dean because he refused to leave his little brother's side.

"Pulse rate is over 100 beats a minute" one of the medics called.

"Not good, keeps going that way he'll be having a heart attack." Dean swallowed hard he knew Sam was in pretty bad shape, but hearing it spoken like that, made his own heart beat faster. Never in his life had he ever been more scared. He wished desperately he knew where his father was, John was needed especially now.

"Take a deep breath and let the medics do their job" Bobby said "You're not going to do Sam any good if you have a heart attack yourself."

"You have a point" Dean admitted, as he stood and watched silently as the medics moved Sam onto a gurney and started rushing him towards the ambulance. Dean was right on their heels; Sam wouldn't face this latest crisis alone, no way in hell.

Dean waited for the medics to get Sam loaded and then he hoped in right beside Sam and sat down, taking Sam's hand in his own.

"I'll meet you at the hospital" Bobby called out as the medic shut the ambulance doors and rushed to the driver's side. Dean nodded to let Bobby know he had heard.

Dean watched the medics work silently; he held Sam's hand tightly. He was probably bruising Sam's hand but he didn't care. He needed to know that Sam was still with him. Right as they pulled into the emergency room entrance, alarms started blaring, causing Dean's own heart to stop beating.

"He's crashing, he has no pulse."

**I'm evil ending it there. Hope to have the next chapter up either later tonight or sometime tomorrow. Thanks for reading and reviewing Liz**


	10. Chapter 10

My Heart Will Go On

Chapter 10

Dean felt his heart dropped into his stomach as he stared at his motionless little brother. His worst fear was coming true; his baby brother was dying right in front of his very eyes. Once the ambulance came to a stop, Dean hopped out and watched silently as the medics rushed his little brother into the emergency room. His worst nightmare was happening as he stood there and watched Sam get pushed through the double doors.

Dean felt a hand on his shoulder and was pushed towards the waiting room. Figuring it was Bobby, Dean allowed himself to be led to a seat.

"His heart stopped Bobby" Dean said looking up at the older man. "He could be dead now for all I know."

"I know it looks bad now," Bobby said "things tend to look darkest before dawn"

Dean sighed and ran his hand through his hair; he was tired and starting to feel it. Sam hadn't been out of the hospital 24 hours before he started having problems. He wondered what his dad would do if the worst came to pass. He frowned one thing he knew there would a bullet with his name on it; he wasn't going to survive long without his little brother.

"Tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking?" Bobby said claiming the hard plastic chair beside Dean. Dean snorted.

"I think you ought to forget a career as a mind reader."

"I can read you're just fine" Bobby said "and I know you're thinking yet again about Sam not making it." Dean said nothing because Bobby was right; it had been on his mind. They waited in silence for what seemed like ages; Dean worried of course, and wondered where John really was. It wasn't like him to go missing for so long.

Dean looked up when he heard doors open, he saw Dr. Collins coming towards them, and he was wearing a frown on his face. Dean didn't have to guess to know the news wasn't going to be good. He swallowed hard as he approached, he could already feel the bile rising in the back of his throat.

"Sam Winchester's family?" he asked despite the fact that they were the only people currently in the waiting room.

"How's Sam doing?" Dean asked almost afraid of the answer.

"Not good" Dr. Collins replied "he's once again in critical condition, and I'm afraid he has gone into heart failure, and it's critical that he gets a new heart." The news made Dean sick. He was afraid this would happen.

"What can be done for him right now?" Dean asked, knowing Sam wasn't going to be coming home from the hospital anytime soon.

"Not much until he gets a heart, he's currently only surviving on life support. I don't have to tell you that that's only a temporary fix to Sam's problem. He could reject the machines at any time." Dr. Collins said. "I don't have to tell you that that will lead to your brother's death." Dean closed his eyes he should have known something was going on with his brother. It was his fault Sam was back here in a worse condition than ever.

"Did he have another heart attack?" Dean asked though he already knew the answer.

"Yes, and it's caused even more damage to his heart, I don't think I need to say that it's now very much critical that he get a new heart. He won't live much longer in the shape he's in." Dean felt a tear fall down his face, this was worse than his worst nightmare. And to top it all it was all his fault to begin with, if only he hadn't argued with Sam none of this would have ever happened in the first place.

"I want to see him" Dean said, steeling himself. It wouldn't be so easy to see his brother in that condition.

"Give us a few minutes to get him settled and I'll come back and get you" Dr. Collins said. Dean nodded and stood he needed a few moments alone to prepare himself for what he was about to see.

"I'll be back Bobby" Dean said and headed towards the cafeteria. He bought himself a cup of coffee then sat down at one of the tables. It was too bad he didn't believe in miracles, because his family sure did need one now. He hadn't ever really believed in any kind of religion unless it was that classic rock, but he knew Sam had at least had a semblance of faith. He prayed to whatever god Sam believed in, that things would turn out alright.

Ten minutes later Dean headed back to where Bobby was waiting. He found Dr. Collins was waiting along with Bobby. Dean swallowed hard and approached quietly.

Dr. Collins led Dean and Bobby down a long hallway. They took the elevator up to the Intensive Care Unit. Dean had known this would be where Sam was placed. Dr. Collins paused at Sam's door, letting Dean adjust to the sight of his little brother lying helpless. All it took was one look at Sam lying so still hooked up to machines, tubes coming from his mouth that led to machines Dean wasn't exactly sure what they done. But he knew they were somehow instrumental in keeping Sammy alive. Dean found the nearest trash can and hurled, it was even worse seeing him like this, then when he'd first had the heart attack in the first place.

**Thanks for reading and reviewing Liz**


	11. Chapter 11

My heart will go on

Chapter 11

Dean sat by Sam's side, silently watching his brother's valiant fight for his next breath. He reached out and laid his hand over Sam's heart. Feeling the slow beat, knowing his life would end if that beat ever came to a stop.

Over the next hour as Dean watched Sam fight to live, an idea formed in his head. He would gladly trade his own life to ease Sam's suffering. He wondered briefly if there was any crossroads nearby, as much as he hated demons, if it took a deal to save Sam from certain death, he would make one gladly. Sitting back in his chair he stretched as he thought the idea over. All he needed was a map and he would be good to go. He didn't want to leave Sam right now, being in the shape he was in; there was no guarantee that Sam would even last until he found a crossroads.

Bobby and Jim Murphy walked in a few minutes later, they hated seeing the younger Winchester in this shape, but they wondered if Sam died if he wouldn't be better off. The kid hated hunting after all, and not to mention the kid wouldn't have to suffer through any more pain from caused from hunts gone wrong. Still the thought of Sam dying hurt both men who loved Sam like he was their own.

"No, Sam is not better off" Dean said knowing what Bobby had been thinking. "He's better off alive and being with me and Dad."

"Look at him Dean" Bobby said gently "he's in pain, don't you want it to end? So that Sam doesn't have to suffer."

"I'm going to put an end to that" Dean said "but I didn't want Sam to be alone, while I took off."

"Tell me you're not thinking about doing what I think you are?" Bobby asked.

"I don't want Sam to die Bobby, this way he won't" Dean said quietly, refusing to look at either Bobby or Jim.

"What about you?" Bobby asked "will suffering in hell for all eternity change anything?"

"If it means Sam will live, I'll do anything" Dean replied raising his arm and wiping away the sweat that had formed on his forehead.

"What do you think it will do to Sam if he finds out you gave his life for him, and you know he will find out eventually."

"He'll get over it" Dean replied "he'll have the rest of his life to get over it"

"He'll spend the rest of his life trying to find a way to get you out" Bobby muttered wanted to knock some sense into Dean he loved the boys dearly, but they were both going to push him into an early grave.

"I wouldn't worry about making your own deal anyways" Bobby muttered "I have a feeling that's what your father is up too." Dean looked up at him and frowned.

"That would explain his absence but surely it doesn't take so long to find crossroads" Dean wondered out loud.

"Unless something went wrong, and the demon took your father without making a deal, which would explain Sam still being in his current condition." Bobby suggested.  
>"Can't trust a demon to keep his word" Dean muttered "which still leaves us with the problem of finding John before the worst happens to Sam"<p>

Dean frowned he liked the thought that John had went hunting rather than stay at the hospital better than the thought of John getting captured by a demon. Which only went to prove even the almighty hunters could get caught; Dean didn't like the thought of that at all.

"I find him I'm going to kill him" Dean muttered glaring at the wall.

"For what attempting to make the same mistake you're still determined to make? Jim asked breaking his silence. Dean frowned.

"Obviously his plan didn't work" Dean said "I'm not going to sit by and watch Sam die, I can't do that." He turned back towards Sam and watched the slow heave of Sam's chest with each intake of breath.

"He's my little brother how can I just sit here and watch him die" the pain in Dean's voice was plain. It tore at the older men's heart to hear it. They both knew just how much Dean loved Sam. They could understand why Dean was having such a hard time with letting Sam go; they both loved him too. Bobby wondered briefly if there was such thing as loving too much.

"Sometimes we just have to do the best for them and at this point" Jim said gently reaching out and putting his hand on Dean's shoulder, "letting Sam go is the best thing, he's only suffering now."

Dean closed his eyes as a tear ran down his face, he couldn't think about life without Sam, but Jim was right, keeping Sam hear while he was suffering was cruel. Dean could never be cruel to Sam no matter the situation.

"I'm so so, sorry" Dean said softly reached over and wrapping his hand around Sam's. "I was only thinking about the pain of losing you not the pain you're in now." another tear dropped from Dean's eyes. He didn't want to have say this it hurt too much.

"It's okay to let go now Sam" Dean cried softly "I understand why you can't stick around, I'm just sorry that I caused this, I might as well have taken a bullet and shot you myself." Bobby glanced at Jim and they both walked over to stand behind Dean.

"None of this is your fault" Bobby said gently hating the tears he could see steadily flowing from Dean's eyes. Dean took a moment to gather his wits before he continued his speech.  
>"It's not fair to ask you to stay here when your only suffering so know that me and Dad we're going to be alright, it might take a while, but we'll be okay." More tears fell from Dean's eyes as he lowered his head to rest on the bed in front of him.<p>

"Sammy," Bobby said gently "I hate that you had to go through this, but know that I'll look out for Dean and your daddy, I'll make sure they'll be okay, so wherever you go, don't worry about your family, they're in good hands."

Jim was about to speak his goodbye to the youngest Winchester when the door burst open and a nurse strode through the door.

"We have a heart for Sam" she announced.

**Like I said not a deathfic. Thanks for reading and reviewing and sorry it took so long to update had a rather bad case of writersblock.**


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